Children of Abused Men – Family Violence From the Eyes and Hearts of Battered Men

There is a plethora of information on the Internet and in the media about violence against women. And for the gentleman being abused, finding relevant, accurate insight and advice is like finding a needle in a haystack.

Even harder for abused men is finding answers for the questions they have about their innocent minor children. Below are a couple of questions pertaining to the children of battered men.

1) “How can men successfully protect their children from and in abusive relationships?”

As a parent, we seek to protect our children from danger. It is a primal instinct that any parent feels from the core of their being. But when that danger lurks within your home and interfaces with your young on a routine and regular basis, protecting them gets tricky. Why? Because your doing so is by-in-large ultimately regulated through a system. (more on this in question #2 below pertaining to divorce)

However, within the confines of your home and your relationship with your child, there are many important things you will want to offer a child that witnesses and/or experiences domestic violence.

• Give your child unwavering unconditional love. While all children deserve and thrive on unconditional love, the child of domestic violence families will use this to help offset the impact of a controlling parent’s conditional love.
• Be the empathic adult attachment figure for your child. You can be the resource through which they come to discover and validate themselves.

• Help your child see the difference between what is his/hers and what belongs to others. By doing this with your child, you will increase the likelihood of his/her not blindly embracing an endless abuse dynamic.

2) “How do abused men protect their children from a controlling battering parent in their divorce?”

In some respects, I believe this is where the men have a greater advantage; not because they are men, but rather because they are more likely the breadwinner. As we know, abuse is about control. So be honest with yourself right out of the gate as you embark onto the steps of your local family courthouse.

The controlling parent will see the divorce process as just one more thing to control. And let’s face it: litigation is about control. So in this arena, the batterer will feel at home and she may thrive in her seeking control…unless you know how to offset her agenda.

If you are the primary financial agent of your family, you will have a much better chance of preventing your controlling spouse’s abuse of the legal process. You will be in a position to create alliances with people who assist in encouraging equitable closure.

If, on the other hand, your abusive partner holds the key to the family purse, you will want to be mindful of the social, financial politics of your case. And you will want to know the strategies and tactics abusers successfully use in custody and divorce proceedings.

BOTTOM LINE:
If you are an abused man in an abusive relationship or in family court with an abuser, you will want to know all you can about the dynamics of domestic violence, legal domestic abuse and legal psychiatric abuse. The more you do, the less likely your abusive relationship will spiral out of control.