The 6 Human Needs – Knowing These Can Turn Your Prospect Into Rabid Customer!

No matter who you are or what you do, there’s a common force that’s driving that shapes your emotions and behavior. It determines how you live, the quality of life and ultimately your destiny.

This universal force is the human need. Irrespective of where you are in the world, what culture you are from, what color, status, background, we are universally driven by our human needs. We can break it down to 6 areas of human needs. They are unconscious needs that automatically drive us.

Of these 6 needs, you can view them into two broad categories. One group is the primal need and the other spiritual need.

There are 4 human needs in the Primal needs group. These are the needs you would seek to fulfill as a base and drives every one of us.

First need is the need of Certainty. Everyone wants stability about their basic necessities like food, shelter and other material resources. When people cannot control their physical circumstances, they seek certainty through a state of mind such as religious faith or positive affirmations.

Second need is the need for Variety. People have a need to change their state to exercise their body and emotions. They seek variety through different ways like change of environment, physical activity, mood change, change of people they interact with, entertainment and others. The need for variety sometimes runs into conflict with the need for certainty.

The 3rd need is the need for Significance. Everyone needs to feel special and important in some way. People seek significance through recognition from others or from themselves. Some people meet this need in a paradoxical way. Some people when they feel insignificant or helpless will go out to get others to recognize how significant their problems are and how helpless they are. This ironically raises their significance, just by getting people to acknowledge the enormity of their problem and their helplessness.

The 4th need is the need for Love and Connection. We all need to feel connected with someone or something be it a person, an ideal, a sense of identity. Connection may take the form of love or just engagement. One can still be connected by means of an aggressive interaction.

That was the 4 Primal needs. The next 2 are classified more in Spiritual needs.

The 5th need is the need for growth. Everything in the universe is either growing or dying. Many are not satisfied spiritually unless our capacities are expanding.

The 6th need is the need for Contribution. Just as we survive through the contribution of others (our parents for example), we seek to be spiritually fulfilled through contribution.

The fulfillment of the spiritual needs gives rise to more sustainable joy versus momentary pleasure associated with just fulfilling the primal needs.

There are many ways that people find to meet these needs whether they are positive, negative or neutral ways. We unconsciously act to fulfill our needs and some actions may fulfill a subset of these needs or all of them. When we have a behavior that fulfills at least 3 of these needs, these actions are considered strongly addictive or sometimes known as habits as they fulfill more than half of your needs. Again, these actions can sometimes be positive, negative or neutral to ourselves.

So how do we use this knowledge in marketing?

In evaluating what you are providing, look at if you are fulfilling any of these human needs and especially if you are able to meet at least 2 to 3 of the 6 at a high level. That’s when you have a compelling story or offer that fulfills a person’s strongest desire.

Look at how they market a high end car like a BMW. You are sold on just how great the engineering of the car and how its handling gives you unsurpassed confidence (CERTAINTY) in any condition on the road. Its safety features protect you (CERTAINTY) like none other. Its various controls, gadgets and funky designs allows you to change your experience (VARIETY) whilst you are driving. The name of a BMW says something about you being an owner and driver who is discerning (SIGNIFICANCE) and accords you with some stature. You will be part of a BMW Club (CONNECTION) where you get to meet other owners and go on driving trips or specially, exclusive invited events (SIGNIFICANCE).

Another message that is put forward “By buying a BMW, you are actually doing yourself and your family a great favor by providing them the best technology and safety for their transport” (Contribution and Certainty). If you want to upgrade your skills as a driver, you can be provided a special free pass to BMW Driving School (Growth). They have showroom with high class touches like a private cafe and lounge (Significance) where staff greet you by name and cater to you one on one.

I am just taking this an example of how I see the marketing of a marquee car hits on the different human needs and I took some liberties in some of the offers to illustrate the point. I live in Singapore where these cars are selling like hotcakes and yet we are one of the most expensive markets for cars in the world due to the taxes. So knowing the keys to market to the human needs can set you apart in providing value to a customer even in the most competitive market niche and create a rabid, loyal following, just like drivers of BMW.

Note: I do not represent the view of the manufacturer or have anything to do with BMW.

Copyright 2006 Alvin Toh

Respect Your Parents

I was thinking about a Dar Williams song today that she wrote about her therapist. The line goes something like this, speaking of when she was in a therapy session; “When I hit a rut she says to try the other parent”. It is a great song and tongue in cheek it is quite funny. It seems to ring true about how traditional talk therapy tends to be based on blaming our parents for all of our problems.

There is no doubt that parents do have the biggest influence on our development of self esteem, confidence and sense of worthiness. Things can go a little wrong in a family when parents might be young and overwhelmed with their own dysfunctions that they might not have been as available as they would have liked or maybe got angry a lot. And things can also go VERY wrong in a family when there is abuse, gross neglect and terribly dangerous situations for children. Being abandoned and adopted can also do a number on children’s sense of well being.

Even though parents have this influence on our sense of who we are in the world, when trying to heal from these experiences, the worst possible thing to do is put blame on your parents.

I am not saying that they are not responsible for things that they did or did not do, but holding the stance of “if they could have done better they would have”, is far more healing for those wounds.

One of the most primal survival instincts is to “belong” to your family. One of the biggest wounds that I see in my clients over and over again is a sense of not belonging and then continuing that pattern out in the world with others even outside of the family.

To hold the stance of “blame” when working to heal these wounds only puts more distance between children and their parents. And as long as there is distance between them no one will heal.

A much more useful thing to do on the inside when working with theses things is to look at ALL of what your parents gave you, realizing that they gave you life and they were the only ones who could have done that.

And instead of judging them and what was or wasn’t there…just say a peaceful “ok”.

That’s it, “ok” and notice the resistance that is created by trying to make something in the past be different gets still and quiet.

Then, there is room for healing and not a minute before. Now, I am not suggesting that means you have to make amends in person with abusive parents etc. This is done on the inside of yourself.

I invite you to try it out for yourself. Notice what it is like to blame your parents and hate your childhood and notice how that feels.

Next, look at your parents and all that was and silently and peacefully just say “ok”.

And notice that the tension of resisting what already is, relaxes.

For more information on how NLP and Family Constellations can heal your life quickly please visit my website.

Be well,

Cinthia Dennis.

Children of Abused Men – Family Violence From the Eyes and Hearts of Battered Men

There is a plethora of information on the Internet and in the media about violence against women. And for the gentleman being abused, finding relevant, accurate insight and advice is like finding a needle in a haystack.

Even harder for abused men is finding answers for the questions they have about their innocent minor children. Below are a couple of questions pertaining to the children of battered men.

1) “How can men successfully protect their children from and in abusive relationships?”

As a parent, we seek to protect our children from danger. It is a primal instinct that any parent feels from the core of their being. But when that danger lurks within your home and interfaces with your young on a routine and regular basis, protecting them gets tricky. Why? Because your doing so is by-in-large ultimately regulated through a system. (more on this in question #2 below pertaining to divorce)

However, within the confines of your home and your relationship with your child, there are many important things you will want to offer a child that witnesses and/or experiences domestic violence.

• Give your child unwavering unconditional love. While all children deserve and thrive on unconditional love, the child of domestic violence families will use this to help offset the impact of a controlling parent’s conditional love.
• Be the empathic adult attachment figure for your child. You can be the resource through which they come to discover and validate themselves.

• Help your child see the difference between what is his/hers and what belongs to others. By doing this with your child, you will increase the likelihood of his/her not blindly embracing an endless abuse dynamic.

2) “How do abused men protect their children from a controlling battering parent in their divorce?”

In some respects, I believe this is where the men have a greater advantage; not because they are men, but rather because they are more likely the breadwinner. As we know, abuse is about control. So be honest with yourself right out of the gate as you embark onto the steps of your local family courthouse.

The controlling parent will see the divorce process as just one more thing to control. And let’s face it: litigation is about control. So in this arena, the batterer will feel at home and she may thrive in her seeking control…unless you know how to offset her agenda.

If you are the primary financial agent of your family, you will have a much better chance of preventing your controlling spouse’s abuse of the legal process. You will be in a position to create alliances with people who assist in encouraging equitable closure.

If, on the other hand, your abusive partner holds the key to the family purse, you will want to be mindful of the social, financial politics of your case. And you will want to know the strategies and tactics abusers successfully use in custody and divorce proceedings.

If you are an abused man in an abusive relationship or in family court with an abuser, you will want to know all you can about the dynamics of domestic violence, legal domestic abuse and legal psychiatric abuse. The more you do, the less likely your abusive relationship will spiral out of control.